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Funny Quotes: Page 2Page: 1 2 It is always nice to have access to some funny quotes to help pass the time away. Please pass these funny quotes on to others. I believe everyone deserves a lighter moment as often as possible. I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Never have more children than you have car windows.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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